Apr 19, 2026 • Reek of Putrefaction

Current Listening: N/A

Had an awful dream about an ex. I was hanging out with people that I'm currently acquainted with, when all of a sudden this person got invited to the get-together, despite them having no connection to the people in my current social circle. They were more disgusting in terms of personality and apperance than I remembered, in a way where I'm still viscerally grossed out just thinking about it. I was pissed off that they were there, but I couldn't get too outwardly upset because no one there knew I dated this person and I didn't want them to know. I just had to sit there and bite my tongue.

I've had exes who have treated me worse in the past, but something about this dream made me realize that this one still irritates me more than the others deep down.

Between this and getting sick, it really feels like I'm purging out all the negativity that's had me in a chokehold these past few weeks/months/years. I'm okay with weathering the storm, but I do hope there's something worthwhile waiting for me after all this.

Apr 18, 2026 • Appetite

Current Listening: ZEEBRA - 未来への鍵 (Osawa's Realized Mix feat.Bird)

Still don't feel good physically but I got the new Tomodachi Life and I've been having lots of fun with it. Pictured above is me, down to the food preferences all being dessert. I might do a more detailed review of the game when I play around with it more. I'm enjoying it as a fan of the 3DS one, but I do have some qualms as well (like how I can't upload my screenshots normally?). Anyways...

I went to a new pho place because my usual spot was unexpectedly closed for renovations. The food was okay, but the journey to get there was v dreamy. It felt like the first real day of spring because the sun was shining and people were out, enjoying the nice weather, riding their bikes, etc. ヾ（＾ヮ＾)ﾉ The warmer months are my happy place ☼

Apr 15, 2026 • Ouchie

Current Listening: Mint Condition - Breakin' My Heart (Pretty Brown Eyes)

The irony of writing that last entry only to wake up with a fever, chills, and vomiting the next morning right after...you can't make this up lol.

My magic spell worked a little too hard I guess. I still feel really awful, but part of me thinks this is stress related and that my body really needed the oppurtunity to just veg out without a care. I had some work stuff due tomorrow that I would normally fret over, and my condition made it so I worked on it without worry for once. I just didn't have the energy.

Apr 14, 2026 • Magic spell

Current Listening: µ-ziq - Mushroom Compost

From this day forward, things will work out in my favour and I will feel good about myself and energized about my life...

ଘ( ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶)━☆•.,¸,.•*¯`•.,¸,.•*

...and it's done!

Apr 5, 2026 • Tremolo

Current Listening: My Bloody Valentine - To Here Knows When

I keep trying to pretend that things are fine in my current situation when they simply aren't. No amount of optimism can disguise the fact that my life isn't what it should be, and part of that is due to where I live and who I live with. I feel like a clown for telling people I most likely won't leave this year and that I want to give working in this city another chance when I should have known it wouldn't work out. Part of prolonging the inevitable is sunk costs, but it's time to admit that the previous plans aren't going to work out and that it's time to move on.

Doing plan B involves taking a lot of risks, but I don't want to be a coward anymore. "Life's for my own to live my own way." I'll try to be a bit smarter this time in terms of getting help first and then moving.

My honest wish is I'd like to be able to update this diary months down the line in a happier place, fully living on my own. I don't want to make a habit of updating this log with a deluge of negativity all the time. However, today feels like a bit of a turning point so I want to document it so that I can look back on this entry and smile at how far I've come.

Apr 2, 2026 • Gauze

Current Listening: Catherine Wheel - Black Metallic

I'm stuck in this perptual rut of feeling like I have no control or will power over my life. Half the things I'm bothered by are, at their core, people foisting things upon me and me being too chicken shit to stand up for my true desires and say no. It's annoying because I was making decisions that were 100% my own not too long ago, so I know what freedom and independence taste like. Maybe I wasn't the happiest person back then, but I appreciated that my life felt like mine. Now, there's parts of my life that are easier and better than that time, but at what cost? There's people in my life who I know don't see me as a person, but just a symbol to project on to, and get upset when I act different than the expectations they have for me in their head. Things must change. I hate that they think they know what's best for me when they barely know me at all.